“Hold your tongue and do not share openly what you are doing right now.” That was the impression I heard from the Lord.
I remember I was out for a run in early January, when I knew the Lord was telling me to not say a word about what he was doing accept for my immediate family and a few select people who I knew would pray for us, but not try to solve the problem for us. This was a tough challenge from the Lord for me, because when presented with a problem to solve I WILL find a solution. And with this directive he took one of my greatest problem-solving skills away…networking to find a solution. I left my job, didn’t know what was next, and I could not utilize my network to find the job he had for me. I had to give up all control on this one, risk being viewed as lazy for not looking for a job, and put it into his hands.
As the weeks ticked by this directive became increasingly difficult for me because people knew something had changed and some asked questions. One such instance came up in the beginning of February, not very long after hearing from the Lord about moving mountains. A previous salesperson for a vendor that I had previously worked closely with reached out to me to see what was going on. In a moment of weakness, I shared with him that I had resigned and was looking for the perfect opportunity. He shared with me a potential opportunity and put me in contact with one of the hiring managers. My mind immediately went to work researching the company, the people, the culture, everything I could find out about this company. My mind desperately wanted to believe this was the door the Lord was opening, and I would see this season come to a quick end with the perfect job. I scheduled a phone call with the contact, and we had a great conversation that ended with an agreement that I would apply for a specific job and she would get the process rolling. That all occurred on a Friday afternoon and that same evening I spent the time walking through the application process and submitting my resume, cover letter, etc.
Saturday was spent consumed by the thought, “This is it, the season is coming to an end and I will have a job soon!” This is a gift and a curse that I have had to learn to control and discipline over the years. When presented with a problem, my brain will be consumed with it until it is solved. This is good when I can impact the problem, but when I cannot do anything about it, my brain will continue to focus on the problem…that’s the curse. I woke up Sunday morning and as the family and I were getting ready for church, I received an auto email from the company I applied to. It was one of those canned and artificially sympathetic emails letting me know that I was not chosen for the job. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? I just had a great conversation, we discussed having conversations with a few more members of the team and before any of that could happen, I was told I was not the right fit???
I spent the following few days trying to understand what happened, reaching out to my contact and receiving no response, and just generally trying to process what in the heck happened. I remember waking up and going for a run a few days later and hearing my Father’s whisper again after being completely consumed by the opportunity for the last four or five days and forgetting about him. “Scott, I asked you to not talk about this and try to come up with a solution…I asked you to leave this in my hands.” I had allowed doubt of what the Lord had spoken to me a few weeks earlier and my desperation to provide for my family financially, get in the way of what I knew the Lord had asked of me. I had gotten distracted and wasted time and energy that could have been focused on what the Lord had called me to do: run, write, and serve. And just like our amazing Father, full of love and mercy, he allowed me to walk down the wrong path for a few days so I could remember that the best solutions occur when we submit to his will and allow him to go to work on our behalf. This was approximately the 777th time I have had to learn this lesson. Father, I lay myself and my family at your feet…we are yours…have your way!
Just a few observations and challenges as I read through this post again. I love to talk and be in conversation with people regardless of the topic. Let’s just say it is hereditary. Like all gifts and strengths that we have, we must learn discipline. We use our gifts and talents to serve, to love, to encourage those around us. When we use them for our own purposes and our own desires, we end up never realizing the fullness the Lord intended in our lives. This was a season where the Lord was asking me to be disciplined and to keep my mouth shut, he wanted me to focus on him and what he asked of me during this season.It was a lesson I needed to learn AND he was not going to let me out of the season until it was learned.
I want to encourage you to evaluate your gifts, are you using them to serve others? Is the Lord asking you to commit those gifts to him and his service completely? We will only discover the fullness HE has to offer us when we fully submit our gifts to him…and sometimes he ask us to fully give up the gifts we carry for him…that is where we have the opportunity to profess he is the Lord of our life with more than words…
Blessings, go and serve with all you have!